Merry ChristmasSorry, my mistake. I meant
ALCOR siteThey deal in cryonics, and run out of of Arizona. It's enlightening. I learned that death isn't an event, but a process. I learned that a frozen brain is called a 'neuropatient'. I learned that the consenting dead are referred to as 'Alcor members'. And I learned that the people at Alcor are as creepy as hell.
Our friends at
Open it up, and it instantly feels good in your hand. Not too heavy, if you know what I mean. A modern, grey and dark grey LCD (thats liquid crystal display) is the heart of the experience, and if you look at the picture, you'll see that the LCD features the lifelike rendering of a plane hitting a tall building. To play, you aim a little space invader-style rocket launcher at aeroplanes which continue to launch themselves into the tall buildings. You keep knocking ' em down, and rackin' up the points.
Anyway, while the controls were a little flimsy, they seemed to stand up to my rigorous 30 second test. The sound may be conveniently switched off, should you wish to go a round whilst sitting at the UN general assembly, or other such important event. However, I'd suggest you leave it on, because the sound of the plane hitting the tower is total digital magic! It sounds a bit like a distorted version of KKKKKRRRRRRSSSSHSHHHHHKKKK! Other features include a reset button, which presumably allows you to restore world order momentarily.
My only complaints are these. Firstly, I fucking hate yellow, and the game's main buttons are yellow. Secondly, while the controls and presentation are quite realistic, the concept itself just seems a little dumb... a little underdeveloped, or thin, if you will. I mean, why would you need to aim a space-invader style rocket launcher in the sky to stop passenger liners from hitting a building? It just seems implausible to me that anyone would believe in anything so strongly as to go to the effort of learning how to fly a plane, and then hijacking a plane loaded with innocents, and then crashing said plane into a tall building. For what? I mean, even if there was something to be gained from such a stupid stunt, you'd be too dead to enjoy it anyway, right? As I said, only small complaints. Overall, good, clean fun and bound to be a sleeper stocking stuffer hit this religious holiday. 8.5/10.
first Friday Caption Competition, we'd have to be crazy idiots not to do it again. So here it is - this time it's dodgy sexpat action from Rabbit Island, Cambodia. First prize is a week-long vacation at Rabbit Island, Cambodia. Second prize is two weeks at Rabbit Island, Cambodia.
#1, Dale Buggins
By 17, Dale Buggins was breaking Evel Knievel's world records. By 20 he was dead. By 25, I refer to the number of cars he would jump on his Yamaha. This kid had spunk, and by spunk, I don't mean semen, I mean get up and go! Although, I'm pretty sure he had semen too, because he had balls the size of Uranus. Unlike American 'hero' Evel Knievel, Dale Buggins only crashed once. Also, unlike Knievel, he wasn't a drug-addled, nasty dickhead. Buggins was just a kid living for the now. They even made an action figurine/toy stunt bike in his likeness. Sadly, he had his demons too, and one of them talked him into buying a .22 rifle and shooting himself in the chest in his room at the Marco Polo Inn in
#2 The Kangaroo KidHappily, the Kangaroo Kid din't blow a hole in his chest, and lives to jump to this very day. Here he is in action, flying to the moon.
Here he is with his wife.... or daughter.
And again. I'm still not sure if it is his wife or daughter. Either way, he's a lucky guy.
And that's lucky, because luck is what you need when you decide to make a living from jumping motorbikes. Anyway, taking his name from a magical jumping marsupial, the Kangaroo Kid rides a quad. Yes, that's right, the Kangaroo Kid figures two wheels are for pussies. He is best known for such ridiculous four-wheeled stunts as 'jumping the paddlesteamer' and 'jumping a flying plane'. He has been known to sing his favorite song 'I Believe I Can Fly' right before activating his quad systems. Kangaroo Kid, we all believe you can fly.
GREATEST ORGANISATION NAME ever.
I want to be the consultant who comes in to help them write their mission statement.
"OK, firstly, is everyone miserable? No? Should you really be here then? Door's that way. Thanks."
THUD (somebody's arm falls off)
"Someone give that guy a hand, please. Thanks. Oh, and lighten up. You're on a staff retreat! We're here to write the mission statement! It'll be fun! OK, now where were we?"
THUD (other arm falls off)
SILENCE (Centipede crawls out of somebody's eye socket)
For those who don't know, Pavillion is where the beautiful people of Phnom Penh play. Beautiful people are the ones who aren't afraid to show off their bodies in bikinis, or over-designed boardshorts, and often sport expensive sunglasses, and perhaps a trashy magazine. A lot of their fashions are based on communist uniforms, or suffer from design-creep. Design creep is a term I use to describe the a tendency of young designers to over-design by attaching unnecesary zips, buttons or graphics. I hope that one day you can Wikipedia this term. Anyway, they may be designers themselves, or perhaps work with street kids. There is sometimes a partial cross-over with the artistic community too. They laugh a lot, either at their own jokes or at the stories of Britney's shit fashions, as contained in the trashy magazines. They tend to be anywhere between 24 and 32 years of age. Some of them also take fancy notebook-style portable computer systems so that they can access the interweb, whilst enjoying passionfruit-based drinks. Life sure is good for these guys! The Fish Quiche is also very popular at Pavillion. (Again, I would never think to do that) There is a rumour that the swimming pool's water is fish-quiche-flavored. Perhaps this explains why Seal chooses to swim there. It doesn't explain what handsome singing sensation Seal would be doing in
Steve Irwin meets Lukas Rossi*
Steve: (thinks to self on first seeing Lukas) - Check out the markings on this one...
Lukas: (thinks to self on first seeing Steve) - What the FUCK is he wearing?
Steve: Nice gloves mate. They'd be reeeaal good for catchin' crocs, eh!
Lukas: Dude, awesome, I guess.
(examines black nailpolish)
Steve: Yeah, you could just grab em by the nose and.. wait, you're that guy from the telly. Rockstar INXS. Mate, that's COOL!
(plays air guitar, grins)
Lukas: Um, it's Supernova. Oh, dude, sorry to hear you were eaten by a stingray. Way to fuckin' work a crowd.
Steve: Well, to be fair dinkum mate, it was pretty bloody stupid. And it didn't eat me mate, it stung me. Stingrays use their poison-coated barb to fend off DANGEROUS predators like sharks. Anyway, now me family's up shit-creek and I'm dead. What's that? You wearin' makeup? You a bloody sheila or somethin'?
(laughs, and slaps Lukas hard on the back)
Lukas: Jesus Fucking Christ, I'm an artist, a performer.. It's what they expect from me.
(lights two cigarettes, chooses one, throws the other away, sighs, blows ace of spade-shaped smoke rings)
You know what that's like? These days, no-one notices you unless you have a gimmick. You end up becoming something you know you're not. Fuck. Before you know it, you forget who you really were in the first place.
(thinks of high school science class, becomes increasingly agitated, begins to pick off black nailpolish)
Steve: Come here, little guy. You look like you need a bloody hug from the Croc Hunter!
(they embrace, Steve pulls away first)
Lukas: Steve, thanks man. I feel better. You know, dude, in your own way, you're kinda fuckin' awesome.
Steve: Yeah mate, but Crikey I'm dangerous!
(They laugh together, and part ways.)
** optional ending **
Lukas: (to himself, walking away, scowling, flicking cigarette) Fuckin' freak.
Steve: (to himself, walking away laughing) Bloody poofter!
* RockStar website says that Lukas has been described as somewhere between Jeff Buckley and Freddie Mercury. So wait, doesn't that make him, um, dead? So, if the internet is correct, and if God really does manage Heaven, then this conversation has probably already happened.
going for it
outside the confines of their marriage could be prosecuted, and do one year on the inside for their actions.
Obviously, the law will only apply to Funcinpec or Sam Rainsy MPs, but that's not the point. The point is that you can't make it illegal for consenting adults to have sex. Can you? Well, they did under the Khmer Rouge, and they continue to do it today in those odd middle-eastern places, but Jesus-damnit, Cambodia is a thriving, modern pluralist democracy now! And to throw in a furthermore, Cambodia is a thriving, modern pluralist democracy where the ménage a trois of arranged-way-too-early-marriages, female-virginity-as-everything, and brotherhood-of-brothel-hopping already share the daybed of sexual confusion. Well, now it seems that they need a policeman to stand silently beside the daybed, with billy-stick and hand-cuffs at the ready, just waiting for someone - anyone, to initiate.